Jeff Sessions is out; Does that Mean Legalization is Near?

By Amelia B.
It’s no secret that Jeff Sessions has been legalization biggest roadblock in Washington DC. Now he ‘retired,’ how much easier will that make the road to full adult use cannabis legalization? It. Is. So. Murky.

But, first, before we get into this crazy goose chase, can we all just take a moment here to say, “Jeff Sessions is gone. PRAISE BE.” Take a breath and help us celebrate no longer being a nation living Under His Eye...

The Keebler Elf can go back to whatever forsaken tree he came from and continue to whip up his chemical Sh*tstorm cookies to poison the masses with preservatives instead of the for-profit prison system...

Finally, Dobby's cruel master, Lucius Malfoy, has been given his article of clothing and can live free among his own kind...

Now that's out of our system, we invite any adult reading this to join us in a celebratory bong rip before we continue…


Ahhhh. Much better. Now, back to the subject at hand.

One Tangled Web of Chaos After Another

With Sessions gone and Trump being notoriously wishy-washy of the subject of legalization, the future of pot is unclear. He has said a few times that individual states should be able to make the choice for themselves, but also that he was “open to it.”

Truthfully, why are we even discussing what he has said about it? If Trump is famous for anything, it’s saying one thing while doing the direct opposite.

Basically, this all rides on who Trump picks as his new Attorney General. Most of us by now understand that Trump himself really doesn’t decide much of anything. This means its left up to the ever-revolving cycle of buffoons running the show behind closed doors trying to tell Ole’ Donny John what to think. Face. Palm.

For the moment at least, he has illegally chosen Matthew Whitaker, who not only has not been senate-confirmed which is kind of a requirement but also happens to be currently under FBI investigation for running a fraudulent patent company and threatening slighted customers with violence.

So, aside from not being qualified for the position in any way, shape, or form, being in charge of the investigation department who is investigating you is a serious conflict of interest, even by the loosest of standards.

Not to mention the fact that Congress set up a


protection plan of sorts after Nixon tried to do the very same thing to protect himself when he was under FBI investigation. The law essentially states that if the Attorney General is fired while the president is under federal investigation, the person he chooses as the acting Attorney General until one can be officially sworn in cannot be the new permanent AG.

However, this would be far from the first time Donald Trump was expressly forbidden to do something as president, like use his position to campaign for other politicians or express contempt for opposing political parties for instance, and then went ahead and did it anyway, suffering no repercussions.

In any case, an official replacement as Attorney General will likely have to wait until after the New Year, which means it will be Whitaker’s most important, and possibly only job to dismantle the Mueller investigation and protect Trump and his family from the indictment. It's okay, we're pretty sure Mueller's too smart to let all of his findings be destroyed.

In return for the monumental favor of keeping the Trumps out of prison, it would only be fair that Trump pardon Whitaker from facing criminal punishment for his sinister and illegal behavior within his former fraudulent company, which screwed hundreds of people out of millions of dollars. Simple give and take. 

Whitaker’s Views on Cannabis

While we know that Whitaker is not a great human in general, it’s simply too early to say whether Trump will buck the system and the law yet again and try to force him into a permanent AG position. Another unknown is Matthew Whitaker’s stance on federal legalization.

While he has not adopted an official position on the subject, there is one video of him discussing the Iowa law allowing only CBD for medicinal use and criticizing former U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder for allowing states to legalize, saying, “...If you go to any of the counties in Texas where there’s an illegal importation of marijuana, there’s a tremendous amount of violence.”

Then again, we’re not sure if his stance on pot even matters. Whitaker may, in fact, be in and out of the AG role as the law states. Who is to say how this will all shake out?

The truth is, at this point, we all know who. If we really want to know what will happen with this, maybe we should look into the true man behind the curtain, puppet-master-in-chief Vladimir Putin…


Putin’s (Perceived) Views on Cannabis

While you’d be hard pressed to find a direct quote or official position from the Fuhrer, excuse me, president of Russia himself (trust us, we tried), his administration has decidedly planted its feet firmly in the “gateway drug” camp.

Upon hearing the news of Washington, DC’s full recreational legalization, Yengeny Bryun, Russia’s Health Ministry’s chief drug specialist said, “When the authorities take their cue from the sinister interests of the population, what happens is everyone becomes a drug addict.”

Bryun later tried to soften the blow of his words, correcting, The path from marijuana use does not always lead to hard drugs in 100 percent of the cases, but there is a pattern. The use of marijuana is a gateway to more serious drug addiction, and people who have genetic and inherent risk factors will definitely become drug addicts.”

It makes sense that Putin’s administration would be against the one plant that gives true drug addicts an alternative non-addictive substance to ease them off harmful chemical drugs when you consider the speculation that they have been involved in a drug ring since the 1990s.

Putin and Russia’s narcotic agency were implicated in a drug and money laundering scheme caught by the KGB, says one ex-officer. The Russian government, however, has decided not to look into it further, to the surprise of literally no one.

All in all, federal legalization does not seem to have much of a chance, so long as Vladd’s running the show. Hopefully, that’s only for the next two years…

Some Remain Hopeful


Interim director at the Drug Policy Alliance, Michael Collins says of Sessions,” We're definitely glad to see him go. He was a disaster for drug policy,"

"If the next Attorney General is smart they’ll see that you know, there are a lot of Republicans that support criminal justice reform. They don’t want the Attorney General wasting time cracking down on marijuana businesses,” elaborated Collins. “They want a public health approach to the overdose crisis and that should be the direction the next attorney general takes."

Collins is also hopeful regarding the appointment of the next permanent attorney general.

"I think you’ll see this time around a lot more rigorous questioning of the candidate on things like marijuana legalization and sentencing reform because they’ve been such flashpoints, and really the hope is that we have an Attorney General that doesn’t get his drug policy ideas from the 1980s,” says Collins.” That would be a step forward."

Indeed, Mr. Collins.

Nothing is Clear

Nothing. Not the U.S. Attorney General, the state of the nation, the safety of our citizens, the safety of our right to protest, a woman’s right to her own body, the freedom of the press, or the future of US Democracy. And certainly not the future of Cannabis Legalization. It seems we will just have to continue to wait.

But hey, at least the creepy elf is gone. That's something, right?


1. Jeff "Dobby" Sessions... The white house elf. Retrieved November 16, 2018 from

2.Elie Mystal Who Is Matt Whitaker And Why Is He Illegally Pretending To Be The Attorney General?. Retrieved November 16, 2018 from

3. Whitaker linked to defunct 'scam' company. Retrieved November 16, 2018 from

4.Matt Laslo What Does Jeff Sessions’ Exit Mean for Federal Pot Policy?. Retrieved November 16, 2018 from

5. Russia on D.C.'s pot legalization: 'Everyone becomes a drug addict'. Retrieved November 16, 2018 from

6.Damien Sharkov ‘Putin Involved in Drug Smuggling Ring’, Says Ex-KGB Officer. Retrieved November 16, 2018 from

7.Kellan Howell Jeff Sessions' Exit Could Be Good News For Marijuana Advocates. Retrieved November 16, 2018 from

About the author: Amelia B.

Amelia B is a wife, a preschool teacher, and a mother of two young children. She enjoys camping, hiking, cooking, reading, traveling, listening to live local music, refurbishing furniture, and creating works of art.