I've seen first hand the looks, you know the ones I'm talking about. The mixture of disgust, confusion, and "oh **** now what do I say?". Yeah, THOSE looks.
The one every mom tends to fear, the one that "mom-shamers" rage about in their blogs while preaching how there's no wrong way to be a mom, the raised eyebrow. You know the one.
But with each cup of "mommy juice" my eyes roll a bit harder. To look down on me as a mother? To watch backs straighten, and eye contact break, I lose a little more respect each time. Not for myself as a cannabis mom, but for them. I hate feeling divided, it drives a stake through my heart.
There's so much more happening in the world that is already tearing us apart as neighbors and communities, there's so much more to unite over to make this world a better place for our children. There's so much more to being a good mother than just one plant I use in the late evening or weekends, and knowing all of that I wish I could ignore it and keep going.
But it's time to call out the BS.
With each inhale off my bowl my mind clears just a bit more, I let the day slip away a bit more. I live in the moment a bit more. I can see my kids and how they need me clearer, I can think a bit more of only them.
Their laughs, the way their eyes light up, how my oldest son has a cowlick that just off center, how my youngest has a dimple on one side that's stronger than the other, how the texture of their hair is different, how one likes pastels and the other likes depth.
I can focus on the lines of code in my oldest sons latest project, and the subtle intricacies in my youngest sons juice bottle drum set. It's a world of difference, to really be there, in that moment, not just there physically, but to be WITH them. To be present in the moment, their moments.
No work creeping into my mind, no chores clouding my patience, no drifting off silently planning my day, no zoning out from sheer pressure and exhaustion, for that hour I belong to them.
I've seen too many moms who are overworked, spread thin, under appreciated, balancing more than their fair share at home and all the while trying to progress their career that they have worked so hard to get into and thrive in, two or three glasses of wine deep, who can't even sit on the floor to play with their kids.
Slurred speech, tipping over, unable to focus or play pretend, and that's not ok to me. I understand it, the pressure, just wanting to let go and unwind and have some sense of peace or pleasure in the day, even if just for a while.
If like most parents you only have a couple of precious hours with your kids between homework and activities, practices and scout meetings, bedtime routines and story times, why waste them selfishly as a mess? Why not be able to unwind and enjoy your kids at home at the end of a long day or on the weekends? How is that being a bad mom?
Toke on awesome Canna-Mom’s! The world is tough, life is complicated, but you’re doing your best and there’s nothing to be ashamed of as a cannabis lover.