4 of the Funniest Stories From Canada’s Legalization

By Amelia B.
With all the media hype over Canada’s legalization, we thought we’d offer the public service of scouring the internet and gathering up the funniest stories we could find about Canada’s historic legalization. So, roll up a doobie and get ready to laugh.

1. Out of Touch Politician Suggests Kids Will Put Weed in the Toaster

Ahead of the decision to legalize last year, conservative Member of Parliament (MP) Marilyn Gladu demonstrates that she has no actual idea what people do with pot, or even how it works. This would be sad even if she weren't a professional chemical engineer, but unbelievably, that is her professional background.

As was expected, the Canadian conservatives - yep they exist -played their tired hand of “What about the children?” In Canada, the fear-mongering was whether children will get poisoned from eating Cannabis plants or the fear that they will become “drug mules.”

In some ways, Canada is just like the U.S., except there are a lot more of US than THEM in Canada.

At a reading of Bill CR-45 that legalized cannabis, Marilyn Gladu actually suggested that children will toast their parent's pot plants in the toaster.

“Mr. Speaker, it is positively negligent that the government is shutting down debate on this topic, “ fumed Gladu. “We have already established that this legislation would put marijuana in the hands of children, not just with the 15 joints that 12-year-olds can have but with the four plants per household, so little Johnny can put some in the toaster oven and smoke it up.”

As for the "15 joints 12-year-olds can have", the idiotic Ms. Gladu was referring to the part of the law saying that marijuana is illegal for minors under the age of 18, and a punishable criminal offense if they are found to be in possession of more than 5 grams. 

Predictably, the absurd mental picture of children putting their bud in the toaster really stuck with people, hence the birth of the hilarious roasting hashtag, #toasterbud. We highly recommend checking it out as it is yet another example of the brilliant use of social media.



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2. Canadian Cops Went Rogue on Some Edibles

Two Toronto policemen got themselves suspended from the force earlier this year after eating marijuana edibles and got so stoned they had to call for backup. They allegedly broke into 13 Division’s stash from a dispensary raid the previous weekend and ended up having a little too much fun, to the point of no fun at all.

According to NewsTalk 1010, they were the edible rookies who said the likes of “I don’t feel anything. Let's eat some more.” We’ve been there. We know it can take up to 2 hours to kick in before the Sh!#show. Guys, you have to wait it out.

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And it goes downhill from there...By the time they called for help, the dynamic duo had gotten blazed to the point of hallucinating. When their requested backup arrived, the inevitable paranoia kicked in. One of the policemen took off running to escape capture.  While chasing the blitzed cop, a responding officer slipped on a patch of ice and suffered a head injury.

Per protocol, Toronto PD would not give specific details about the incident, but did confirm that the two officers were under investigation for the incident and the CBC reported they were sent to the hospital for “highness.”Poor guys. We hope they get their jobs back. With edibles, you just don’t know until you KNOW.

3. Store Owner Ran Out of Bud at 4:20 on the First Day

One Newfoundland and Labrador dispensary owner reported the most ironic of all first-day follies: running out of weed at 4:20 pm. Face. Palm.

Thomas Clarke, proprietor of THC Distribution in Portugal Cove-St Philip’s said, “I’m a little shocked that I sold out so fast, and also very upset that I don’t have product for everybody.” Apparently, he was not alone in not having received the entire shipment he ordered, due to production shortages.

“I'm letting down a lot of people here and I was assured that if I paid for the cannabis I would receive it,” explained Clarke. Poor guy. We feel for him, really, but we cannot help but laugh along with the Pot Gods at this epic misfortune.

4. Most Canadian Cop Announcement Ever: You’re Going to Need Snacks

Whereas U.S. cops have earned the stereotype of racial profiling and brutally assaulting cooperative citizens, Canadian officers are known for being friendly and helpful.

Another #onlyincanada moment has bestowed itself upon the world. This time, friendly Canadian helpfulness comes in the form of stoner snacking advice from the Royal Newfoundland Constabulary. This glorious PSA reads:

 

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Man, everyone in Canada is so cool…

We think its the cheeky language and clever use of the hashtags #DontDrivehigh #chips#munchies, and #cookies that really send this tweet over the awesomeness threshold. It really seems like they want you to have a fun, safe, and snack-filled night, as opposed to American cops who just want you to commit crimes so they can catch you in the act and send you into the overcrowded for-profit prison system. 

And of course, social media ate it up. One Facebook user wrote, “Sounds like they were high when they decided to make this status.” 

“I personally love it that you’re not being strict and uptight about this. Love that you’re having a little fun with it” wrote one Twitter user who obviously wasn’t that familiar with Canadian culture. “Everyone has their way of having a good time. Sometimes people just need a little help relaxing. Whether you have a beer, glass of wine, smoke a joint or have a cup of green tea. Cheers everyone!”

As if we needed another reason to move there. Wait, WHY don’t we live there again? Oh, yeah, it gets like 100 degrees below zero during their 9-month winter. Even so, it’s getting more tempting with every Orange Tweet.

Citations

1.Amanda Siebert Roach of the Week: Conservative MP Marilyn Gladu says kids will smoke pot... with toaster ovens?. Retrieved October 26, 2018 from https://www.straight.com/marijuana/921646/roach-week-conservative-mp-marilyn-gladu-says-kids-will-smoke-pot-toaster-ovens#

2.Janice Dickson Who’s laughing now? The top ten funny stories in Canadian politics, 2017. Retrieved October 26, 2018 from https://ipolitics.ca/2017/12/27/whos-laughing-now-top-ten-funny-stories-canadian-politics-2017/

3.Nick Robertson Nick Robertson. Retrieved October 26, 2018 from https://twitter.com/Gnarbertson

4.Amara McLaughlin Toronto police who allegedly ate pot edibles on duty called for help after 'hallucinations'. Retrieved October 26, 2018 from http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/toronto/two-toronto-police-officers-suspended-pot-hallucinating-marijuana-cannabis-1.4509048

5.Siobhan Morris BREAKING: Toronto cops allegedly steal pot, get high on the job. Retrieved October 26, 2018 from http://www.iheartradio.ca/newstalk-1010/news/breaking-toronto-cops-allegedly-steal-pot-get-high-on-the-job-1.3589244

6. Super Troopers. Retrieved October 26, 2018 from https://www.reelingreviews.com/supertroopers.htm

7.Mack Lamoureux Canada Is Already Experiencing Cannabis Shortages. Retrieved October 26, 2018 from https://www.vice.com/en_ca/article/evw99z/canada-is-already-experiencing-cannabis-shortages

8.CBC News Weed supply low and N.L. stores running out, but pot plants can't grow any faster. Retrieved October 26, 2018 from https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/newfoundland-labrador/marijuana-shortage-newfoundland-labrador-1.4867441

9. Only in Canada. Retrieved October 26, 2018 from https://www.reddit.com/r/canada/comments/9oyy51/only_in_canada/

10. Royal Newfoundland Constabulary. Retrieved October 26, 2018 from https://twitter.com/RNC_PoliceNL

11. #munchies. Retrieved October 26, 2018 from https://twitter.com/search?q=%23munchies&src=typd

12. #cookies. Retrieved October 26, 2018 from https://twitter.com/search?q=%23cookies&src=typd

About the author: Amelia B.

Amelia B is a wife, a preschool teacher, and a mother of two young children. She enjoys camping, hiking, cooking, reading, traveling, listening to live local music, refurbishing furniture, and creating works of art.